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This Mom Tried To Get A Dad Kicked Out Of Her ‘Mom Group,’ And It Completely Backfired When They Removed Her Instead
Jun
Mom groups can either be incredibly helpful for those needing the resources or incredibly unhinged, and after reading a now-viral post by a mom who hates the idea of a dad entering their chat, I feel confident in saying she’s the unhinged type.
Here’s the story in the mom, user notcomfyaita’s, own words: “I am a single mother to two kids (5 and 3). Both my kids are in daycare, and over the years, I have built a solid friend group with a handful of other moms, and our kids regularly get together for playdates.”
“The father of my kids is not in the picture at all, and my relationship with him is nonexistent. This is 100% for the best, and I am currently in therapy to deal with a lot of things that my ex did to me. This friend group has literally been a lifesaver for me at times.”
“A few months ago, there were two new kids that started at our daycare center. They are similar in age to my kids and were placed in the same classes as them. I noticed that their dad was the only parent to ever pick up or drop off the kids. He would try to make small talk with me a few times, but I am uncomfortable around strange men so I would be polite but would not engage further than that.”
“Our mom group has a group chat that we use to support each other and arrange playdates. A few weeks ago, one of the moms texted that she was adding this new dad to our group chat because he wanted to have his kids participate in playdates outside of daycare.”
“I privately texted that other mom and told her that I don’t feel comfortable with a man I don’t know having my contact information, and told her that she should have consulted all of us before deciding on her own to add him to our group chat. I then texted the rest of the moms and told them that I want them to keep a separate group chat without the other dad because I don’t know him, and it makes me uncomfortable.”
“This resulted in a lot of divided opinions with about half of the moms agreeing to a separate chat and the other half saying that would be too difficult to keep track of and that it is wrong to exclude another parent just because he’s a man and that I’m being unreasonable.
The mom I texted privately replied that she has talked with this dad numerous times, that he seems like a nice person and good parent, and that his kids shouldn’t be excluded if they want to hang out with their friends outside of daycare. She told me I was being difficult and making this all harder than it needed to be.”
“The other day when I picked up my kids, my 5-year-old was upset because a bunch of his friends were talking about a playdate that he wasn’t invited to. I texted the moms about it, and they said that they were getting the kids together with the new dad and didn’t invite my kids because of how I was acting. I told them it was rude to exclude my kids like that, and a couple of the moms told me to grow up because that’s exactly what I was trying to do to this dad and his kids.”
“I’m at a loss because these moms have been so supportive to me in the past, and as soon as this dad comes into the picture, it’s like they pulled a 180 and don’t seem to care at all. There are still other moms who agree with me, but now it’s like our friend group has been divided by this.”
Please join me in saying: Welcome to the consequences of your own actions.
Now, I will say that our mom isn’t completely in the wrong here. If she doesn’t want to share her contact information, she doesn’t have to. BUT, every action comes with a result.
“You aren’t the bad guy for not wanting your personal contact information shared with a person you do not know (regardless of gender) or for not wanting to participate in activities where people you don’t know are present,” Redditor Vivacious-Hiccup responded. “But you do not get to dictate what the other moms in the group do… It sounds like they ultimately respected it by NOT inviting you to an event where the dad would be present… Don’t get upset when people respect your boundaries because what you really wanted was for them to pick you over someone else. You’re the asshole.”
Many agreed that she was wrong for trying to exclude the dad and say she’s projecting her bad experiences with men on to a person who had nothing to do with that situation.
“You can’t try to exclude him and then complain that it was turned around back to you. You get what you give,” user BulbasaurRanch said. “He’s looking out for his kids and wants to have social contacts for them. You tried to bully your way into excluding him. He’s done nothing to you. He doesn’t deserve to be excluded because you have trauma with your ex. Your traumas are your own to deal with, not force others to accommodate your selfish wants. You are being unreasonable. You are being difficult. Now your kids are facing the repercussions of your actions.”
“And quite frankly, well done to the other mums not caving in to pressure from you to exclude another single parent trying to do the best for their child,” user Sun_Sea_and_Sony added.
“As women, we have suffered with discrimination for centuries and felt firsthand how difficult life can be when you’re not taken seriously in a role simply because of your gender. Now you want to exclude a fellow parent (and his innocent child) simply because he is a dad when he seems to have given no reason for you to distrust him. As a society, we love to criticize how men don’t do enough for their children. Meanwhile, you’re actively trying to exclude a father who is making an effort to socialize his child and build friendships.
I am sorry you’re dealing with past trauma, but if you don’t feel comfortable communicating with him, that does not give you the right to try to force others to exclude him and his child. Dads deserve an emotional support network, too. It’s up to you to step back if that is what’s best for you. But you need to accept the repercussions that will have on your children.”
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