This Is The Age At Which Family Vacations Finally Become Fun

The word vacation conjures images of waves gently lapping at the shore, majestic mountaintops and three-course meals. But if you bring your child along, your days away may be filled with diaper changes, sticky hands and nap time showdowns. It’s true that some of these moments may also be memorable, humorous and even fun, but when you travel with kids, you bring the work of parenting along with you. Vacation, some parents say, isn’t really the right word for it. It’s just parenting in a different place.

We wondered: How long do parents have to wait until a family vacation starts to feel like a vacation? At what point do kids start to safely entertain themselves enough that a parent can lie on a chaise lounge poolside long enough to get through more than a few paragraphs in a novel?

We asked members of our HuffPost Parents Facebook community to share their experiences. Here’s what they had to say.

“When my son was almost 2 years old, we took a trip to Florida from Philadelphia. First, he refused to sit in the car seat we carried on, so as the plane was taxiing to takeoff, we are putting that away. Then in the air, he was playing on top of the seats, crawling under the seats, farting so we thought he had pooped, but he did not. There were family dinners he refused to eat, so I had to walk around with him to entertain him. He hated the beach.

Last year, at 8 years old, we took him to Portugal. While I would not say it was relaxing or a ‘vacation,’ it was certainly an adventure. He ate oysters, lobsters, tuna, grilled fish and steak. He went cliff jumping! I was too scared, but he jumped from almost 30 ft! We snorkeled. He loved seeing the fish so much that he asked to remove his snorkel vest so he could dive down to get closer to the fish. He ended up catching an octopus. The octopus inked him. It was not all easy — he hated the beach day I planned — too boring for him to sit on the beach. But watching my son have such a sense of adventure and indulge in a different culture and foods was very refreshing. We had turned a corner. We all had fun.” — Michelle Kinder, Pennsylvania

“Out of the baby and toddler phase because otherwise you’re just taking care of your kids in a different setting: less familiar, without your routine and comforts. Depending on your kids’ temperaments, that might not be fun and exciting but draining and a waste of time, energy and money. When my daughter was about 3 (out of diapers, no more naps, understood consequences, etc.) she was like a little sidekick. My son at 3 is like wrangling a tiger, so a vacation is a lot of work.” — Laurel Kiskanyan

“Mine are 7 and 10, and this year’s vacation felt like the first year it was a vacation for the whole family, and not just parenting in a different location for Mom and Dad.” — Mindy Guthrie, Missouri

“We took a trip when our kids were 10 and 7 that felt like a vacation, but I think that was mostly due to the extreme planning I did ahead of time. I planned each day down to where we would have most meals, then made a ‘guidebook’ for each kid with the plans for each day, including restaurant menus and space for them to write in. It was a super-relaxing trip because the kids knew in advance exactly what was happening every day, and all the decisions were pre-made. The next trip, I didn’t go to so much effort, and it was a lot less relaxing.” — Christie Lamphier

“We have been doing road trips with our kids since our sons were born. They have always been fun and relaxing, it just takes planning. When they were smaller, we would break the trips into smaller stages. Now they’re 11 and 13, and they enjoy the long cross-country drives. We’re currently on vacation in New Orleans, and they’re having a great time trying new foods. We have a trip to London planned for next year that they are excited about. At this point, travel with them is all about planning things that would make everyone happy. We ask them what is the one thing they want to do on any trip, and we fit in that one thing. Same for adults. We try to balance the trips so we all have fun and can relax. This trip, that meant getting an Airbnb with a private pool so we can swim whenever we want and not have to worry about other people.” — Dana Lopez

“We went on an amazing vacation with our kids to the Big Island of Hawaii when they were 8 and 10-and-a-half. Each day, I planned an activity. We drove over 800 miles, and my kids didn’t fight in the car or ask to bring along a device. It was magical! Having a two-bedroom condo allowed my husband and I to have some space, and doing enough during the day ensured that the kids went to bed early. My rule on vacation is we can make breakfast or lunch and bring along snacks, but we always eat out for dinner.” — Allison Reynolds

“Our boys are 12 and 10 now. Vacations are fun and relaxing because they are able to entertain themselves for longer periods of time. I’d say vacations got better when we weren’t schlepping strollers and pack-n-plays and high chairs.” — Sarah Williams

“My daughter is 5 and we’ve vacationed with her since she was 18 months. We’re still in the ‘vacations are just parenting in a different location’ stage, but they are still really fun. We give her the ability to voice her opinion on activities and help with the planning. We try to stick to a routine only so much as to avoid cranky, hangry meltdowns whenever possible, but allow for flexibility, dessert for dinner, later bedtimes, etc.” — Liz Chirico

“We’ve been traveling around the world since our kids were infants. They are now 11 and 13. I’d say our first vacation that felt restful and like a true respite for all of us was when they were 8 and 10. We went to Manta Island, in Belize. Part of it was the location, a small island where the kids literally could wander and be on their own, and part of it was because they were mature enough to manage themselves and not need entertaining.

If our kids weren’t excellent swimmers, great eaters, and respectful of the staff’s direction as well as experienced travelers, I don’t know if it would have been as relaxing for my husband and me. Part of it was the adults letting go of expectations, trusting the kids and allowing some free-range parenting to take over.

Since that trip, we’ve been back three times and are headed there again in a few weeks. But other vacations and travel have also proven to be more restful and ‘easy’ since then, so that is when we mark the ‘Wow, it’s gotten so nice to travel!’ time.” — Kelly Bret Almeroth

“We are a family of four with two children ages four and 15. We traveled to Destin, Florida, this year, and I feel this was the year where it felt like an actual vacation: fun but yet relaxing. We had beach and pool days the entire time, and were able to walk to and from dinner.” — Crystal Pollitt Hale, Illinois

“Probably when the kids were nine and 11. I’ve been traveling with my kids since they were young, but that was the first time I flew transatlantic with them. We flew Singapore Airlines, which had phenomenal service, and stayed at my mom’s house, where the kids shared a bedroom and I had my own. Having an actual home to stay in instead of a hotel room is key, and having another ‘parent’ figure on location also helps so much!” — Eliana Romero

“Once my kids were old enough to get in the pool by themselves! When I could sit in a lounge chair with a beverage and a book and they could safely play in the water — that’s when it felt like vacation again.” — Erin Keiper, California

“As soon as they could both swim independently, it was a game-changer.” — Whitney Moss

“When they can pack more for themselves and self-entertain. It was a struggle till my youngest was between eight and 10. He is now 13, and there are times he still makes it hard if it is something he doesn’t want to do, but some things are easier.” — Sarah Radawski McDonald

“Every year on our drive to our 17-person family reunion vacation on the Outer Banks of NC, we do a dramatic reading of this Huffpost piece, ′Vacation or Trip?′ I am not so sure that our ‘trip’ will ever qualify as a vacation, but it’s a blast anyway. Even though my youngest is a junior in high school now and her siblings are college grads, we all still laugh about it.” — Lisa Graham McCormack

Responses have been lightly edited for clarity and length.