John Stamos Blames Apocalypse On Failed Willy Wonka Experience — In Song

Turns out, that Willy Wonka immersive experience attempted in Glasgow, Scotland, back in February was even more of a disaster than previously reported.

In fact, it may have started the apocalypse, according to a new music video by actor John Stamos called “Willy’s Candy Spectacular” that is the opening number for a new in-the-works musical called “Willy’s Candy Spectacular: A Musical Parody.”

Stamos’ song explains how the end of civilization as we know it can be traced to the disastrous Wonka-themed event earlier this year that was so bad police were called to the scene by irate customers.

“We were told to give [kids] one jelly bean and a quarter cup of lemonade,” performer Paul Connell told the Independent. “No chocolate at the chocolate experience. There was supposed to be a chocolate fountain somewhere but I never saw it.”

The opening lyrics to Stamos suggest the tragic event was just the start to the end of the world:

It was the start of the end of the world/ Its significance was easy to miss/ A scheme gone bad turned viral fad/ brought us to the apocalypse/ Some thought it’d be Trump or Putin/ setting the world ablaze/ Some thought it’d be masks or Covid vaccinations/ that led to the ends of days/ But no! It was Willy’s Candy Spectacular!”

The song’s composers, Alan Zachary and Michael Weiner, said in a release that they love musicals with epic opening numbers and thought, “What could be more epic than John Stamos singing about the end of humanity and linking our species’ demise to an underwhelming immersive experience in Scotland?”

The song is one of three songs from the musical to drop Monday. Another one, “Dreamed To Dare,” includes a performance by Kirsty Paterson, who went viral as the “sad Oompa-Loompa” at the event.

Additional songs will drop every Sunday before a staged reading of the musical debuts Aug. 9 at the Edinburgh Fringe Fest 2024.

Stamos’ participation in that event is still to be determined, according to the musical’s rep.